Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize