my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Found the puke drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just pee around me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize