at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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