Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize