I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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