I'm so fucking centered right now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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