My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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