I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
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This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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