Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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