Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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