you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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