i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you have to choose: penises or morals?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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