You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize