i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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