no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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