I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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