yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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