Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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