I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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