theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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