guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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