my text book just quoted the cookie monster
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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