Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize