I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize