Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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