wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
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if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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