so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
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Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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