nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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