I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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