I met the friendliest cop last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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