i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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