If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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