i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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