I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I want is dick and wine.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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