I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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