You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize