I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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