I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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