how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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