Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize