Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I could fuck to npr.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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