Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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