Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
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Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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