I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
only you would photoshop your dick
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize