Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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