The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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