i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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