Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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