Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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