This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize